oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
