"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
