I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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