I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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