All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize