Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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