i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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