Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
