So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
