I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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