Sponge bath it is.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Houston, we have a squirter
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize