it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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