No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
