Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
