Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
