my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
