i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found the puke drawer
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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