he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
