Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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