I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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