'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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