I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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