i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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