I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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