How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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