Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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