I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
