They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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