You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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