Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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