I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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