We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
