I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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