worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
