If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
