Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
