i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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