I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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