I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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