Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
