i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
