Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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