There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
