It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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