you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
