he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
