so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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