6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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