I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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