I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Vodka?
Forever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
