it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
