So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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