I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
