woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
