sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
