i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
