He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will be naked everywhere
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
