Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize