So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
