all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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