shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
