He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
