i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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