May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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