I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
