how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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