My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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