In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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