Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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