i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
