I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
