Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
