i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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