she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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