Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
