I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you had me at cake vodka
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
