I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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