hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
