My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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