I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize