I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
