Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
