how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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